Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rancidradio66's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 30th, 2009
3:07 am	a bus ride I could be at a punk show right now. I could be drunk at a punk show, soaking in the beautiful sound of aggressive drums and guitars and basses. Sang by angry young teenagers. People would dance and the bands would pout their hearts with honesty. I'd be observing, beer in hand and submerge in those perfect moments. But I'm not at a punk show. I'm sitting on a bus heading home because my attendance at a civil rights activist speaker was mandatory. Her presentation didn't hit me so much. I've been thinking about justice and dreams for a better society for years. I've had my share of invigorated burning indignation and passionate speeches against all forms of injustice and insincere materialistic fascism. People in highschool knew me as that one kid. Her speech almost seemed like old news to me. Its not that I've become jaded, its because I've become more wise. Those people in the audience will return home, flip on the tube and have a martini. Most of them, anyway. I have nine minutes on this bus. One passenger is on with me, a girl I met at a party who was an anthropologist. But I'm not sure if she remembers me. No on is talking. The bus will be stagnant for 8 more minutes. I think I may have tried to talk to her before, or at least tried to exchange glances. She also, like the blonde laundry girl, has a countenance of arrogance. Then again, I almost understand her. People may think of me that way as I pass the fraternity and sorority booths on campus, with a self-righteous smug look that makes me feel above it all. Pshh, their clubs, their clothes, their meaningless endeavors to party. I felt good to walk with self-righteousness. So I could almost understand this girl. But the thing is, she doesn't really know me. I'm probably like every one else to her. To get to really know someone takes time. You have to crawl under the grounds of surface, polite talk and go berserk under the tunnels, laughing and blunt with honesty and mannerisms. (Comment on this)
2:47 am	laundromat romance I did my laundry tonight. An asset of my "shapen up!" mission. It was a lonely night. I was the only one at home, in this dream beach house with an ocean view roof-deck and two fine bitches that live below. What great things to have, yet I feel a bit lonely. I lugged the laundry-filled bin down the stairs and into the street. Here in the street, I'm usually praying to Christ for an absence of cars. Or else, it'd be nerve racking "frogger" with my life. The laundromat is empty as usual. No one in there but me. Tonight though, as I was loading my clothes into the dryer, I heard footsteps. I wonder who it could be. In this seaside rich town of Newport, I had two options: a bro-ific, buff, white, tan male, or a blonde, OC, barbie female. It was the latter. Yea, she was hot. I couldn't help but be sure she didn't have much brains. I slightly thought of smiling and saying "hi", but we both avoided each other's faces. Maybe it was too late in the night. I couldn't help but think she was a bitch. Her pink booty shorts, her long skinny sexy legs, her curly blonde hair, and her "pshh, eww, what-everrr!" face. I didn't like her. I fantasized about what could have been if I had said "hey". "Hey," I smile. Showing no teeth. A civilized, appropriate gesture to a stranger. She ignores me and continues loading her laundry. I smirk. She doesn't see. As I am about to leave, I audibly mutter, "You didn't have to be a bitch." "Eww-ah," she turns her head to me. "Leave me alone before I call the police. Loserr!" "Fuck you! bitch!" I stagger to the street with my full red barrel of clothes. Gathering my breath, I've realized what I've done. I run back inside the laundromat. I see her tan leg disappear behind the door on the other side of the building. Shit, she's going away. "Hey! Hey! Wait!" I run towards her. Shes on the street now, opening her black suburban door. She looks at me. "Fuck off douche!" She starts getting in her car. "Wait! Wait... " I gather my breathe. She stops. "Listen, I didn't mean... I just wanted to say hello... or somethin. I've just been having a shitty night. I live right over there" I point to my house which is to our right, thirty feet away. I'm breathless. "I hardly know anyone around here... and yea. Just wanted to say hi. And now, I'm sorry. Um yea, I'll leave you alone. Good night." She blankly stares for a moment, then slowly, a slight smile emerges. She turns, closes her car door and turns back to me. There's a minute of quiet again. It's either hesitation of startledness. "This is kinda like a movie," I thought. She stickes her hand out. "I'm Evette." She seems much more comfortable now. I smile back and nearly laugh. Her smile gets bigger. I could see white teeth now. "Dude, I've been having a really shitty night too... It does not bring out the best of me." "Yea, no. I know exactly what you mean." I sigh. "I mean, for a moment, I was like 'shit', I don't even know this girl, lives near me, and we're leaving on hostile terms?" "Well, I'm glad you saved us. It would've been an extra shitty night for me, asshole." She grins. We exchange numbers. Go on a few dates. I realized she's different from what I'd judged. We live happily ever after. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 16th, 2008
2:23 am	collective thinking There's this video that my room mates made in freshman year of college. It was a successful cute music video of Blink 182's "First Date" song, aimed at asking out our female room mates on the upper floor of our dormitory for a social outing. This video was posted online on "facebook" as soon as it was made. Two years went by with no activity in its "comments" section. The other day, I typed in a simple comment for the video. I typed: "*sigh*" Immediately following, for one day, there was an influx of many other comments, evoked from my "*sigh*", that summoned many other people's nostalgia for that memorable video. This will be my example for the idea of "collective thinking". I'm sure there's another more fancy term for it in academia, but whatever. This argument for "collective thinking" is based on the premise that all humans are the same in terms of reaction and emotion. The only things that separate us are our different experiences and stories. Its amazing how some people will come up with the same idea, for an invention for example, and they are in completely different places. Yet, its as if they've been mentally connected. As if there were a sort of shared collective experience that led them to come up with the same idea. I know I'm not breaking any grounds with this observation, I just thought I'd ponder and share about it. With the advent of the internet, and the speed of information flow. I think the human collective now has an even more shared experience. This may be the impression I get because I live in north America, but regardless... its happening in north America. lol. and perhaps with the momentum and potential of spreading all over the world. My point is... there is no such thing as individualism. There is no individual thinking, but instead, "collective thinking". An even more beautiful idea I think... How people all think alike, yet have different stories and experiences that make them not individualistic, but "unique", and how they can thus share with the rest. My first example of the "*sigh*" comment, I want to use as an example of potential political change. Just by simply saying "*sigh*" and evoking a number of responses, people were talking about a room mate reunion. This is the idea of: having an idea in the mind, and having it manifest itself through a process of collective thinking, and then action. If this can happen with this silly music video, then it can be applied to a grassroots movement, a political movement, if any certain people feel the shared feeling for the necessity of change, whichever it may be. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 26th, 2008
4:28 am	self actualization This may come off as a "deep" note. So if you're not in the mood, I guess just click outta here. I'm kinda drunk, and by myself. I've realized I'm not unique, not an "individual", not "original". I'm a sensory human being, like a jellyfish. With the same sensory reactions as anyone else. I'm made of "snippets of everyone else's personalities". I let everything I experience influence me, and let it direct me. Floating like a jellyfish. Proximity. Social construction. Problematic. Those are the words of the week. I wish I could have built more honest relationships, and called them when I told them I would... Random brain diarrhea. Blehk. I just drank the last fourth of the cup. I'm sure its true the alcohol settles to the bottom first. What was it... mango? avocado? Some tropical fruity juice and gin. Its 4:22 in the morning. Ima smoke more cigarettes. (Comment on this)
Friday, August 8th, 2008
12:11 pm	sick Ive been sick as shit. The worse of my life. Two weeks. May have been that girl, may have been sharing drinks at parties. I dreaded every swallow, ears felt as if they were gonna explode, a high fever, hell could not be possibly worse. The worst of the worst two days were the last Tuesday and Wednesday of July. And still, I managed to ace my final while dying. I havent been doing much this whole week in San Jose. Its felt like such a waste of perfect, valuable San Jose time. La Vics, Pho, friends, cigarrettes, 211. I havent been able to enjoy any of that... I respect health and will never take it for granted... its amazing how fragile the body is. Learning how to sleep with a sore throat is an art. You cant overpower your bed and blankets. Your positioning cant be preponderant. You need to melt in. Respiring and recycling humidity and carbon dioxide into the covers like a brown paper bag. Breathe and be one with the soft sheets. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
1:08 am	Someday, I would love to work as a tattoo artist and a free-lance writer. I would live in a busy city or beach-side town, in which I wouldn't own a car, but instead ride my bike during brisk mornings to bus stops. There, a novel and strangers would keep me company, and life would be kept interesting and exciting every day. But of course, thats my young self. Ive also thought of becoming a lawyer, fighting for human rights, and maybe raising a family. Who knows. Nevertheless, whoever reads, I wish you well on your journey. Hopefully we'll run into eachother and trade energy. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 13th, 2007
4:16 am	sxe "lately ive been feeling dead inside, like my guts have dried up and died. every night i water em back to life" i remember when i was sharp. it was back when i was able to be myself. curious, goofy, and free. now... im just emotionally withdrawn, thinking deep thoughts, trying to find out how i fit into the world, among the numbers, trying to find a purpose, trying to tap into my potential and trying to make myself proud. but every night, i drink the beer and have a spark of motivation, only to wake up to a dry ass mouth and a lazy uninspired brain. i miss when i was little. having that stubborn, tenacious, endless, curiousity in everything interesting. there was no alcohol. when i wanted a slingshot, i spent days in the backyard looking for the perfect Y shaped stick and didnt stop till i could shoot a flying bee with a lil red battleship peg. the world was a rainbow colored jungle gym with lava, sand, and tanbark and i was the ultimate safari man. now, i sorta feel like a slug. im wondering if the culprit of my "dead inside" is inebriated hedonism, or my lazy self? maybe both, probably both. anyways, im gonna try cutting down on the booze, and hopefully see if i get my mojo back. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 5th, 2007
9:37 pm	i sometimes feel like ive felt more expressive when i was a bit younger than i am now. growing up is dissapointing, i need to find somewhere to vent quick... (Comment on this)
9:34 pm	damn i havent written in this shit for a while. tomorow im gettin up early to work on a house for habitat for humanities. i gotta suck it up in the hotness and not be a pussay. i still dont know where to go in life. i gotta admit, i have problems committing to anything... art, politics... (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
4:10 am	summer o6 holla back niggaaaa. i been chilling with a few new friends this summer. their names go by jimmy, johnny, robert, harold, and rico and his cousins. hahahahah. too bad the rest of the world except a few dont know who they are! well, im soon going to college, its exciting. this summer i got tattooed and im comin back for more and more. drinking 211 40s everyday was kinda taking a toll, my friends n i got back into skating. it makes me want to sober up, which i like cus i know its a healthy shabang dang deal. oh and wayyy too many stogies. anyways, much love, goodnight (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
12:15 pm	first they had ramen noodles. now they have ramen chow mein. i know this cus i ate it this morning. you just add the packet of "vegetables", add water and cook in the microwave for 3 min, take it out stir, 3 min again, then add the sauce. and im paranoid cus nothing i eat these days is real. i cant wait till we can have artificial lobster meals in pink pills. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
7:17 pm	hot damn, february 2005 was the last post, time sure do fly. summer was the greatest, senior year is looking fantastic. and fridays are funner than ever. im diggin everything right now. i also think i have a crush on a someone....uh girl x? which makes me all giggley inside. she challenges me, i like it. thank you girl x. i also became the president of a club that tolerates homosexuals, 32 flavors, u've heard of it. things are lookin up. -kevin (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 4th, 2005
11:39 pm	i need to clear up a few things i said wen i was drunk tonight at denises house. things i said wen i was drunk: 1. "our school is full of ugly girls, i want to move" 2. "our school is full of retards and squares. fuck...where are all the hot white chicks at?" 3. "in life, style means everything. the way u strut urself and lookin good while you do sumthin means everything." 4. "id rather fuck _ _ _ _ _ than _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _" what i REALLY meant 1. "our school does not have as many attractive individuals as other schools, but we are still great and everyone is special." 2. "our school flourishes with diversity as well as having many special, yet important individuals. i wish i could find more people with such beauty as these." 3. "in life, having strong self-confidence is the most important thing. nothing matters more than how you perceive yourself, doing things the way you want is true style." 4. "id actually fuck both of them. theyre both hot." (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005
7:11 pm	parents i remember in second grade, i got my first referal for calling this black kid a bitch. wen i got home, my dad told me... "id rather you be nice and get all Fs in school and drop out, than you be a mean person" i never took that seriously, but i love him for raising me like that. so if u had good parents like mine, dont be a bitch to them. if they were bad, then they deserve it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
1:04 am	heres my piece of the best and only advice you will ever hear. but i get my point out... if you're ever going through any problems in your life about boys, girls, friends, blah blah anything! take all the advice uve ever heard from anyone and throw it in the wind. then think for yourself, and go your way, learn from mistakes, dont waste time with regret. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 29th, 2005
12:26 am	im infected with poison rite now. alcohol. im so drunk. the cops always seem to make my parents jump a heartbeat... piedmont road. piedmont road means as much to me as your room means as much to you. the piedmont road i know is a one and a half mile stretch, located at the base of the hills in berryesa, san jose. it is lined with houses on both sides of the streets. and is the most popular commute line for people who go to school or work in the mornings. there are 2 schools on piedmont road. piedmont middle and piedmont hills high, both of wich i went to. i must have gone up and down piedmont road 47832 times in my whole life. ive covered both sides of the street by skateboard, foot, and car. i know it so well that if i were given a blank sheet of paper, i could draw you every small crack and lump on the street, as well as every weed sprouting from both sides of the sidewalk. the spring season let the hills and trees be green, the summer air on the street fuckin made me wanna sit down, the fall season let the treas change red and orange, the winter air bit my nipples off, the cycle was annual. however, i have been wanting to get away from this town, and this street ever since i realized i was stuck here. but still, i managed to have the majority of my days of youth spent on piedmont road. during 8th grade summer, id skate with my friends up and down the road, sometimes knowing where we wanted to go, and sometimes with an unkown destination. freshman year, i spent most days skating down piedmont road after school to skate a friends house. id stay there till 630 and make the 2 mile skate trek back home, every other day. headphones blaring straight to my head and skating home as the cars passed by, always going in my direction. then i realized. where are all these cars going. and why are they all in such a hurry? when you skate side by side to cars going 30 miles per hour, u begin to wonder why people want to speed up time so fast. by skating, u feel as if you are preserving your time, slowing it down and not growing as fast as others do. but through skating and walking piedmont road for so many years, i never grew old. i grew up. palm trees align the right side of the road as you go from my house to piedmont high. the san jose city expands to the right as you go from piedmont high to my house. back to what i was saying earlier. ever since i realized i was stuck in this town that revolved around piedmont road, i wanted out. i wanted to get away from this place. but as emerson said, "man must become domesticated before he goes abroad with hope of finding somewhat greater than he knows." my life and years of my youth revolved around this street. faggot as it may sound, its true. and what made me write this whole thing was the thought of...when i would leave it. i would go off to college, piedmont road, would be in a past life of mine and i would always remember it. fuck you, im drunk (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 24th, 2005
7:09 pm	lemme start off by saying this journal thing is for me and for me only. i just like writing stuff and looking back on it. hmmm preschool, rainbow bridge, 11 years ago. i was 5... i remember being dropped off by my dad in the parking lot. by this time i was enthusiastic bout going to school everyday, it was always a new adventure for me. as opposed to the first 2 weeks of preschool where i cried everyday for hours cus i wanted my dad. well, first thing i remember doing was going to my cubby and meeting my black friend shawn. shawn was my actual first best friend. we hung out every preschool day. we did all sorts of shit together. we'd make little boats out of paper and put em in a pool, run to a corner, count to 20 and run back to see if our boats had moved at all. well this particular day wasnt like any other. this girl named jenny wagner that i had a huge crush on actually talked to me. well...actualy i made the first move and asked her if she could tie my shoes. fuck i thought it was a GREAT ice breaker. well she tied my shoes like crap to be honest. she did it in knots, knots after knots. i could barely unlace them. anyway, a while later, everyone was playing with these boards that had hundreds of little pin like things sticking out of them and ud put rubber bands on em and create shapes. sum other kids played with "light brights". me and shawn would pretend we were in war and shoot the rubber bands at eachother using the boards as shields. nap time came up and everyone pulled out the mats to sleep on. i pulled out mine and lied down. fuck, i saw jenny flirting with this guy. her and that guy liked eachother for so fuckin long and i hated him. I wanted jenny so bad. but hey wut could i do, she prolly knotted my shoes as a joke to the ugly asian kid. thinking about this on my mat, i couldnt sleep. so i thought of a clever thing to do. i waited till everyone was asleep and the teacher went off sumwhere. i got on my knees, crawled over to the guy jenny liked and began to tie his shoes in knots together, so that if he got up and tried to walk, hed fall on his fucking face. hah, so away i tied. oooh it felt so good after i was done. THIS SHIT IS FUN! i thought. i crawled over to shawn and woke him up and asked if he wanted to do it to everyone sleeping. "we can be the shoelace bandits!" i whispered to shawn. and on we went. fuck, we must have did 11 kids together by the time one fat kid woke up and yelled. idiot. me and shawn crawled like lighting back to our mats and pretended to sleep. well moments later, the teacher woke everyone up and everyone found their shoes tied together in tight mother fucking knots. i tied my shoes up as well, so maybe i wouldnt look so suspicious not having my shoes tied together. of course the fat ass ratted shawn out. "you tied ALL these shoes together shawn?" the teacher sternly asked. he said yes, he didnt want to get me in trouble. "ohhh man, i love u shawn..." i thought. but after finding out that shawns parents would be told, i manned up and told the teacher it was my idea. so i got the worse trouble. not so bad, me and shawn had to clean up the puzzles and shit after play times. but i did cry spasticly wen my dad yelled at me at home... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 20th, 2005
10:42 pm	dont get me wrong, im horny 90 percent of the time, but today, i realized that id choose to moshpit in a 30 minute rancid show then have sex ever again in my life. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
5:59 pm	hahahah holy shit. i just re-read wut i wrote yesterday in my livejournal, and i dont remember typing half of that bullshit. so sorry to anyone who read it. i guess livejournals are for recording everything anyway. ok so today: i woke up at 10 walked to the library and stayed there for an hour looking for a book for my english class. i found this really good book, one that fits my thoughts on the subject. its about the progression of mankind, societies and such. called "Looking Backwards" walked back home, at 2 corndogs and skated outside. then i started reading the book. there was a soccer game today but fuck that shit. im not getting up for that. i didnt go. read read read, and then went online for tattoo ideas. i know wut i want already, "life wont wait", those words sumwhere on my leg, "life wont wait" cus that album from rancid changed me for the better... and i just like its meaning. ok and here i am writing, ill recap on the fun 4 day weekend i had. friday: done with finals, skated for 5 hours after school with friends, got picked up later and went to valley fair with the guys, almost died 5 times in the car. saturday:woke up....oh my god, i dont remember wut i did that day.....well got blazed up at night at bens house (only thing i really remember was talking bout reincarnation with kaeli) sunday:(first journal entry) monday: biked from my house to mo's then we biked to downtown san jose so many different long ways. (at least a 15 miles covered) finally arrived downtown and ate at mcdonalds. (its like harold and kumar go to white castle, mo and kevin go to macnonan) took the lightrail home (we aint biking back, u fuckin crazy?) got picked up by the rest of the guys, went back to the scary roads in the hills, this time we got out and walked around, scary as fuckkkkkk. then we picked erika up and went BACK there and blazed. then i dont remember much from there except everyone else tray surfing while i snoozed pleasantly in the back trunk (it was a big open one)....dont remember if i tried to tray surf though... ahh all good times though. k todays tuesday. and tomorow the first day of school, clean slate, 2nd semester. im gonna go read now... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
11:28 pm	woowwwwweeeee im prety fuckin high rite now. hah FUCKKKKK the good times. that there are in highschool. i just realized, actually i lie, ive always realized that memories are of things at least a year ago. other words, your happy and sad moments will take a year to sit in your brain in order for them to be memories. i know wut ur thinkin, anything u did in the past goes into ur memory rite? well im talkin botu that feeling of memory. the same feeling of memory u get wen u listen to a blink 182 enema of the state song, or sisqos thong song and automaticlly feel like it would be 6th grade outside your room window. "6th grade all again, this music was the hit back then, fukkkkk." well and here i sit in my room, but i know that a memory of it wont hit me in a year. y? cus im not making a memory out of it. maybe its because i sit in my room every day. well i think memories shut out all the surface moments, the habitual moments, the PRE set moments out. and only let the chaotic ones come in. the brain naturally likes the chaotic ones much better. but never hte less. i have really absolutley no idea wut im talkin bout. live journals gay. no one reads this bullshit any way. cus i just shit these words out through my fingers onto the keyboard, throu the circuits, and to the monitor and through the electrons and finally to your monitor. fuck. since wen did the world be robbed of work. we arnt as smart or intellectual as the world back in 1800s. see the way those guys write????? its like the know the fucking dictionary! and why did they no sooo many words??? i know why! cus they didnt get fuckin tvs, the didnt get cars, they didnt get the stuff we have today is wut im saying. the stuff we have today is making us lazy. those fat asses we are about to become. were wasting our brains every day because we arnt scared we might die soon. we all think were gonna die a 100 years later, just because we arnt scared enoguh. we have medicine and medical care to not make us scared. and because we arnt scared of death, we spend each day of our lives slaving over sum bullshit. wasting the human mind away... and away.... where as, those dudes in 1800s, they were scared theyd die tomroow, u didnt know wut caused diseases back then. theres a death every day. so they decided to use their minds and learn learn and not make waste of it. thats y they were so intellectual back then. waaoww this is all such bullshit. im so fuckin high, my brain cells pop opo pop. and im sitting at home, im thinking of this girl, and im wondering if shes sitting at home thinking about me and wondering if im sitting at home thinking about her... (3 Comments |Comment on this)